


The Orange Albatross Appreciation Night a.k.a. Kato is Like, So Awesome, Man, Seriously, Oh My God (A Britt Reid Introspection)

by AppleGrenade



Category: Green Hornet (2011), Green Hornet - All Media Types
Genre: A Happy Ending You'd See From Miles Away, A Million Pop Culture References, Crossdressing Kink, M/M, Messed-Up First Person POV, Some Fluff, Some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-03 22:22:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4116961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleGrenade/pseuds/AppleGrenade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>See Title.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Orange Albatross Appreciation Night a.k.a. Kato is Like, So Awesome, Man, Seriously, Oh My God (A Britt Reid Introspection)

**Author's Note:**

> 1) If you think Britt sounds like a 16-year old cheerleader drunk on wine coolers, it’s because that’s who he really is.  
> 2) Inspired by ronsard’s [Kato on the Shore](http://archiveofourown.org/works/162378) and every single thing [maderr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/maderr/pseuds/maderr) wrote, especially [Only the Best](http://archiveofourown.org/works/164108).

**Spoilers**  
The entire movie, which contained so much bromance my head exploded thrice (but not more than that because we have to be realistic).

 **Disclaimer**  
The Green Hornet belongs to the people who own The Green Hornet. My tenuous grasp of sanity is my own.

\-----

It all started with an explosion. I mean, like, isn’t everything?

So, after Chudnofsky evolved into Bloodnofsky and then graduated to becoming Deadnofsky, life for me and my man- I mean, sidekick- Ah no, partner- **platonic** partner-

Wait, no. I don’t have to insert ‘platonic’ anymore.

Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh heh.

I am such a pervert. Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I’m so ashamed of myself.

No, I’m not. Heh heh.

Eh, where was I? Oh, right. Kato, my partner. My so **not** platonic we-are-the-complete-opposite-of-platonic partner.

Antonyms, you know. I’m not skilled with words. One would think I’d be one, a wordsmith (is that even a word?) because of the whole womanizing media mogul thing. I mean, I’m not totally hopeless - I can charm the pants of anything: the girl dragon from Shrek; the evil queen from Snow White (she is **so** hot - I’m talking about the Disney version not the Twilight version just so we’re clear); Pam from True Blood; heck, even Michelle Rodriguez (once I wash Danny Trejo off of her because no, just no).

Aaand I’m getting sidetracked again. Okay, focus. Kato, focus on Kato.

Kato, balls deep in shit-kicking dudes. Kato, bent over while installing a Gatling gun (a Gatling gun, oh my fucking god so much squeee yes I know it’s hella impractical but who cares it looks so cool) to Black Beauty back-up #17. Kato, flirting with the sexy new copywriter while totally ignoring my steely eyes boring holes into his back (that little bastard - I made him pay dearly for that). Kato’s shapely legs, pouty juicy lips, and the nicest back curve this side of the galaxy (really, like a scythe - yes I know what a scythe is Kato made a pair of nunchaku for himself that have mini scythes attached to the baton thingies give me **some** credit you guys).

Kato, whose eyes fit the description of ‘steely’ better than mine ever could. Kato, who could leave a trail of destruction so epic it would induce simultaneous orgasms in a threesome consisting of Michael Bay, J.J. Abrams and Zack Snyder.

Kato, whose face is delicate enough and frame willowy enough that one oriental fetishist mobster-in-training we were thwarting offered him a place in his harem; the knit in his brows followed by a devious smirk seriously made me wonder if he were actually considering accepting the proposition.

That just won’t do, I thought. Nuh uh, ain’t gonna lose the best mechanic / chauffeur / barista to some Alberto Valentino-wannabe. That greaser must’ve watched one too many yaoi shows. I ain’t losing to that sleazeball.

So when we got back to the Casa de Reid, I fucked Kato. I pushed him up against the wall in the garage and kissed him and sucked him off. Then I took off all his clothes except for his chauffer hat, grabbed some tranny fluid to use as lube, and fucked him. Twice. I had to carry him to my bedroom afterwards because he couldn’t walk.

Ahem, addendum: He couldn’t walk for **a whole day**.

That was our first time. The second time was in the backseat of Black Beauty back-up #8 - Kato went all ‘no sex in Black Beauty!’ at first but I can be a very persuasive fellow once I got both my brains working on it. Our third time was by the pool when I insisted on teaching him how to swim. The fourth time was in the pool itself right after the third time. Or should that count as Time 3.5?

Wait, rewind! Didn’t I say it all started with an explosion? Why yes, it did. A majorly boomtastic one, too.

See, after that whole Chudnofsky / DA Scanlon brouhaha (hope I’m using that one right), life for me and Kato have been very interesting - full of ass-kickings and explosions. So like I said, there was this son of a mob boss, okay? Nothing more than a knockaround guy with yellow fever if you ask me, and he was torching his establishments for insurance payouts. He was also firebombing his daddy’s rivals’ spots to confuse shit up. Probably needed the money to maintain his anime-themed brothel. Normally, we would just let the wiseguys figure that out and whack each other up because, hey, why not let them do the work for us instead right? But then he tried to pin the whole shebang on the Green Hornet, that shitbag. Needless to say, Kato and me deployed some justice in the form of a roundhouse kick to the asshole’s behind with extreme prejudice. It was **awesoom**.

I of course made sure to kick him in the ballsack extra hard so he could forget whatever lewd acts he may have imagined doing to Kato. Served him Alpa Chino’s Bust-A-Nut Energy Bar, I did.

Oh, by the way, whenever I say ‘normally we would bla bla bla’ that’s code for ‘Lenore told us to do this shit or that crap so we did because she’s the Mastermind and even if she isn’t she can totally kick our asses girl is scary yo’.

Anyway, that’s the skinny on how me and Kato started fucking. “Why do you have to tell us how you and Kato started fucking?” I bet you’re asking. Well, it’s so that the rest of this story makes sense, you inquisitive person you (I say this while bro-punching your shoulder)! Because you see, the rest of this story is about me fucking Kato, and I don’t want you to get all confused as to how come I get to do the things I would be doing and say the things I would be saying without getting cut in half by Kato’s Karate Chop of Thirteen Deaths™ (You die 13 times after receiving one such Karate Chop).

Wait, need a coffee break.

I’ll be back. Heh heh.

Mmmhmm, foamy with a perfectly-formed leaf. Seriously, best coffee ever. Sorry that took a while- hey hey hey, t’is not what you think, mmmkay? I was on the phone- no, that’s **not** why my goodness you’re a bunch of perverts! See, that was Cameron Diaz on the line. She keeps wanting me at this pool party she’s throwing, you know? And I had to reject her **yet again** because I can’t go because I can’t bring Kato because Kato still can’t swim.

Yes yes I was supposed to give him lessons. Yes yes I always ended up fucking him instead. S’not **my** fault he looks so delish in a speedo!

Okay, so, story. It’s my birthday today. Oh, thank you thank you. How nice. Thank you, how kind! See, you all are excited for me. That’s great! You know what Kato said to me when I told him a week ago that today was going to be my birthday?

“Uh huh.”

Did you all just splutter a collective ‘what the fuck’? If yes, then word-to-the-motherfucking-street yo. I mean, me and Kato have been a superhero team for almost two years. He’s changed my diapers for that 11 days I was knocked out by the Hornet Gun Mark I. Hell, we’ve been fucking for six months! I’ve licked him in places so intimate it made him blush so hard and forgot how to speak English for **six** hours! Tell me, would **that** be an appropriate response for someone in his shoes?

Right? Facepalm, eyeroll, etc. to the max. But I didn’t flip out. I took a deep breath and yoga’ed my feelings back into the Valley of Peace. Maybe he was preoccupied with the design of this thingamajigger he was AutoCAD’ing, I reasoned. So I tried again.

“I’m not gonna have a big party this year. I mean, I guess the office will hold one. But I’m not actually going to have one, a bash, you know. I didn’t have one last year because dad died. And, I don’t know, I kinda like not having one it turns out.”

And Mr. Red Turtleneck Sweater over there just nodded once.

“I figured I’ll just celebrate here, with you.”

A quick glance my way. Not bad, not bad. Let’s see...

“We could watch movies. Have a quiet night in. We’ll get takeout from that nice Thai place down at the corner of Banner and Stark.” Another glance. Hitting marks, I am **so smooth**. Excellent. Now to pilot this baby home. “Hey, I know! We’ll watch Street Fighter. Van Damme was so cool in that. I had such a crush on Chun-Li. The girl who played her too, Ming-Na Wen. You ever saw that movie?”

Oh, no. Zero response to that. But maybe I haven’t lost him. See, I forgot to mention earlier that I’m on a mission here. I knew going in it’d be like navigating through an asteroid field (with a gay robot butler yammering odds in my ear no less). But hey, the possibility of approximately 3,720 to 1 means there’s still a chance right? Just, slow and steady. Easy does it. “You know, you’d look **so hot** in one of those Chinese dresses, I don’t know what they’re called. With the high collar and the tight skirt and the super high slits. Dayum.”

Crap, **now** I’ve lost him. Uh, let’s give it one more shot; maybe he’s not too far gone? Anyway, go big or go home right? “With the combat boots. And I prefer the sleeveless version with the frilly trim instead of the floaters she has on in the games. But no pantyhose - I wish Ming-Na didn’t wear them. The Princess Leia hair buns might be tricky.”

He’s shutting down his laptop. He’s gotten up from his chair. Screw subtlety. Fuck caution. Just aim and shoot! “Come on, it’s my birthday!”

Aaand that’s when he left the room. “I love you!” I implored him as the door hit his ass on its way out.

Hey, at least I tried. Good job, right?

Damn, but that’s not comforting at all. “Trying doesn’t matter if you always fail” dad said that, that superior asshole with a heart of gold. “There are no two words in the English Language more harmful than ‘good job’.” That wasn’t dad; that was some other superior asshole with a heart of gold (maybe).

It’s probably not so bad. Kato didn’t use the Wuxi Finger Hold (developed by Master Wuxi in the Third Dynasty) on me. Kato wasn’t angry. He didn’t ragequit. But he did leave a message that he won’t be joining me for dinner that night - that did bring me down some. That continued with breakfast and lunch the next day. By the time dinner rolled around I was so out of my mind drowning in self-pity I didn’t even wait to find out if he was still blowing me off then.

I still got my morning coffee, though. Not much of a bargain, really, considering I haven’t got to lay my hands on him, not once, since **that day**. So on top of the shitty emo feels I was crushed under, I had to go through withdrawal as well. Because, face it, I’m an addict when it came to sex with Kato, when it’s about having his company, when it meant getting to listen to his halting English or to bask in his dangerous presence.

In retrospect, what I did? So not subtle. Not smooth, not sexy. More lecherous and whiny and entitled. In other words, what I’ve always been to Kato. After a week of going through the many stages of ‘Boohoo I’m Britt Reid My Life Sux #FWP’, I woke up this morning with that realization. There was a steaming cup of Joe by my bed, as usual. Still no Kato curled-up by my side, probably going to be ‘as usual’ because I’m a lecherous, whiny, entitled, superior asshole with a heart of aluminum.

The office did hold a birthday party for me today. I attended, cut cake, gave a speech, denied requests for salary increase but Okayed a brand-new Panini Press for the pantry, and tried to catch Kato’s eyes to convey my remorse. Only to find out that he didn’t even come in to work.

Damn it, I was so ready to go all Penitent Magdalene on his ass and he wasn’t even around to smirk condescendingly at me! Insert big dramatic sigh here. Nine-Inch Nail. Meet Coffin. Help yourself to some birthday cake. Stay away from the Parker House rolls - Janice from Marketing did them and while she fancy herself Anna Olson’s protégé, really her ‘baked goofs’ (as it’s christened throughout our establishment) taste like they came out of the Three Witches’ cauldron.

After the day was over and done with, I drove home thinking of what I was gonna do for the rest of the evening. Lenore shot down my invitation to go out for drinks - not that I really wanted her company anyway. I thought of giving Cameron a call to tell her I’d be at her pool party after all, but maybe I should just show up and gatecrash her bash. I got as far as showering and getting dressed, but ended up sitting on the bed, missing Kato.

And that brings us to the here and the now. Me sitting on my big empty bed in my big empty house in this big empty world with Adele playing on loop as the soundtrack to my big empty life.

I guess now it’s time, for me to give up. I feel it’s time. Got a picture of Kato right here beside me and all that. I really thought there’s still a chance, that we’re not over. Kato wasn’t angry. No shouts, no kicking or punching or mildly-poisonous gas that gave me diarrhea for a fortnight (which was how he retaliated when I made him pay for flirting with the sexy new copywriter)…

Or maybe I was wrong. Maybe **this was** how he’s breaking up with me. Maybe he didn’t shout or kick or punch because those take effort, those involve caring about something - maybe, **he’s** the one who gave up.

Damn. Damn damn damn. I’d rather have the shouts and kicks and punches (but not the mildly-poisonous gas good God, please just no). This hurt so much more, him avoiding me, him refusing to say a word directly to me. It’s like, I was beneath his comment. That I don’t matter, don’t exist, to him.

“Of course you matter. Would I go through all this trouble if you didn’t?”

Great, I was so deep in Kato Withdrawal that I’ve started hallucinating his voice. “You’re gone, and you wouldn’t even tell me straight that you’re gone. You’d do that if- **when** , I don’t matter to you anymore.”

“But I’m **not** gone. I’m here, just like you asked.”

Wait, what? I wasn’t hallucinating? I wasn’t having this conversation inside my head? “What do you mean, ‘just like I asked’-?” And that’s when I looked up, and was greeted with the most wondrous sight in all of the cosmos.

Kato was leaning against the doorframe, resplendent in a deep blue Chun-Li dress (I still don’t know what it’s called). The high collar and the tight skirt and the super high slits were emblazoned with gold accents. It’s sleeveless with frilly trim, and it showed off his lily-white arms most provocatively. There’s white combat boots, and (I verified as my eyes traveled up the length of his wiry legs) **no pantyhose**. 

“Oh.”

“I managed to come up with everything as you specified but the hair buns **were** tricky, like you said. Hope you’re fine with this.” Kato had all of his hair slicked back save for a few wisps covering his forehead, a very fair imitation of Chun-Li’s bangs.

“Oh.”

“You don’t like it? Did I get something wrong?”

“Oh.”

Let it never be said that the Green Hornet floats like a butterfly or whatever, because I’m not quick to react, like, at all. That’s why I have Kato on my team (that and about six million other reasons). To me, the moment went pass in bullet-time: I saw the flash in Kato’s eyes, saw the pout forming at his lips, saw the angry flush rushing to his cheeks. Before I could do anything, he’d turned around and started walking briskly towards the garage, a quiet “Fine, I see how it is,” thrown back from a cold shoulder.

Move, Britt you stupid shit! “No wait, Kato! Please wait!” He didn’t, of course, so I kicked myself in the ass, got up, and lunged after him. “Wait, please,” I gasped, placing my palms firmly over his tense upper arms. “Look, I’m sorry-”

“There’s no need to apologise,” Kato cut me off, shrugging out of my grasp. “It’s obvious that you were just trying to have some fun at my expense. I thought you were serious, asking me to dress like this. My mistake.”

“No! No, I **was** serious. I was just- you caught me off-guard. I didn’t think you’d do it. I thought, well, I thought you were breaking up with me, man!”

“Why would you think that? Why would I break up with you?”

I ran my fingers through my hair, rumpling them as much as my feelings were. “Because I asked you to do this… this… ridiculous thing!”

“So you **do** think it’s ridiculous-”

“No, I don’t! I think it’s awesome.” Kato crossed his arms over his chest - not a good sign - and so I put up my hands placatingly, reassuringly, surrendering myself to any shouts and kicks and punches he might suddenly decide to bombard me with. “I think you look fabulous. I thought that **you** thought this is ridiculous!”

“Why would I think that?”

“Well, after our conversation you went off just like that! And you were avoiding me and stuff. I thought… shit, I thought this was how the Chinese say good-bye.”

One beat. Two beats. Three beats passed when Kato’s arms fell away from his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re… so what, you **didn’t** think it was stupid?”

“It’s just a bit of playing dress-up. Cosplay is big in China.”

My head was still reeling from trying to register the image of Kato standing in a tight shiny dress in front of me; that little nugget might as well be a large gold brick wrapped in a slice of lemon. “Meaning, what? You’ve done this before?”

“Sure. An ex once asked me to dress-up as Loki, the Marvel version, complete with helmet. Now **that** was ridiculous. It took me a week just to make the stupid horns!”

“Okay, okay. **Do not** mention exes right now because I cannot handle shifting from suicidally-depressed to homicidal rage in less than 5 minutes. But I still don’t get it. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“But I **can’t** tell you,” Kato shrugged nonchalantly. “I wanted to surprise you.”

Okay, that is so reasonable that now **I** look unreasonable for asking. Still. “All right, fine. I accept that. But then why have you been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t.”

“Please. I haven’t seen you at all the whole week! You didn’t join me for food, you didn’t-”

“I was busy making this costume. I had to special order the material - couldn’t find good quality plain Chinese silk anywhere in this town. Chinatown only has red ones, and I know Ming-Na Wen wore red instead of blue but you never specified whether I should follow the movie or the games on the colours and this thing in red is usually worn by waitresses and brides, so, no.”

“Oh. Okay, that makes sense.”

“Anyway, I figured since I could not tell you I was going to do it, you would think that I wasn’t, so you’ll keep asking, and eventually you’d say something that would make me change my mind.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’d most likely do that. Good move!”

“I know.” Another shrug.

“So, you look great.”

“You said I look ‘fabulous’.” Aaand a smile. A **smile**.

“Fabulous. Grand. Mesmerising. Devastatingly-hot. I’ll have the company publish a thesaurus of all the words that describe you right now.”

“Thank you. I **feel** fabulous, grand, mesmerizing, devastatingly-hot. I want that thesaurus for next Valentine’s Day.”

“Now you’re just showing-off. You don’t need me to tell you, man, you know that already.” Shit, how am I going to convince Axford et al that we publish thesauruses now?

“No, actually. I stood in front of the mirror for 36 minutes, to make sure.”

Good Lord, did I ever tell you guys how Kato’s so cute when he’s being self-deprecating? Arrogant prick doesn’t do it often so it’s such a novel moment whenever it happens. “Well let me reiterate that you look so smashing right now.” Don’t stop there, Britt. Be smooth! “And always,” I added winsomely.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying this.”

“Oh, I do. I do very much. This is like several million fantasies coming together. It feels like I’m throwing back Ogden’s Old Firewhisky and Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster at one go here.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“It means I’m so in love with you, man.”

“So, is there any point to this?”

Point? I just said ‘I love you’ for like the fifteen-hundredth time! “What, my complete and utter admiration of you isn’t enough?”

“For asking me to wear this contraption? Okay, it’s not as awkward as some of the others I have had to put on,” Kato totally ignored my warning pout, the prick. “But I didn’t get primped and preened just to stand here for your amusement. I’ve got makeup on my legs, brother. And you don’t even want to know about the hot wax!”

“Hot wax? Ouch!” Correction: lovable prick. **My** lovable prick.

“Yeah, ouch. So, what’s all this for?”

“Oh, you know. Reasons.”

“They better be good, the reasons.”

“Oh, they’re good. They’re excellent, those reasons.” Now it’s **my** turn to shrug nonchalantly.

“Such as?”

“I had such a crush on Chun-Li and Ming-Na Wen.”

“We’ve established this fetish of yours. So?”

“So I’ve always wanted to know what it’d be like to meet a real-life version of one or the other.”

“You could’ve asked any number of your past dates to dress up like them.”

“No point: none of them knew Kung Fu.”

“So, what?”

“‘So, what’?” I declared incredulously, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world (it was!). “‘So, what’? So they wouldn’t be realistic at it, xiongdi!”

In hindsight, it was most likely my earnest tone that saved me from getting socked in the jaw. “Any other reason?”

“Like I said, I thought you’d look **so hot** in the Chun-Li dress.”

“It’s called qipao.”

“Yeah yeah, I love them chopsticks.”

“You don’t have any reason, do you. Any **good** reason.” Kato’s fingers balled into his renowned deadly fists; thankfully, they went to rest on his comely hips instead of smacking me to within an inch of my life.

“No, no. I do! You just haven’t heard the third reason.”

“I don’t want to hear the third reason.”

“It’s the **final** reason.”

“It’s a **stupid** reason.”

“You have so little faith in me, man.” I gave him my most brilliant smile. Placing my palms gently on his shoulders, I sneaked in a caress - Kato either didn’t mind, didn’t care, didn’t notice, or didn’t want to give me the satisfaction of seeing him react. Because Kato seriously has the best reactions and was always so responsive to my touches; not heeding his ‘no touching’ policy was one of the best decisions I ever made (probably not saying much, there - I’m mostly full of bad ideas). “Au contraire, it’s the smartest, best reason of all.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, clearly in agony, I saw the exact moment Kato gave in and opted to brave it after all. “Which is?”

“I’d like to try a new way for me to get you begging ‘please’.”

One beat. Two beats. Three beats passed when Kato’s arms fell away from his hips. “Oh.”

Yeah, ‘oh’. “You’re not gonna ask me ‘if this is a threat’ or something?”

“It already sounds like a promise, to me.”

“Damn right it is.” And I pushed him forcefully against the wall, my hands on his shoulders pinning him in place, and plastered my body over his. Hand-sewn Peruvian wool shirt on delicate Chinese silk dress on vintage French lace wallpaper. I devoured his lips hungrily, like the one surviving man of the Poghril tribe from the famine struck land of Poghril in the Pansel system who came across 239,000 lightly fried eggs (who then died from cholesterol poisoning some weeks later).

After I was done ravaging his lips I moved on to the rest of his face: his cheeks, soft and plump like dumplings I just cannot stop nibbling; his jaw, which I nuzzled until I reached that spot right by his earlobe that always made him moan - ah, right there and I was rewarded accordingly; and his ears, which I licked and bit and sucked mercilessly, knowing they’re one of his weak spots, until he was grabbing my upper arms, whimpering needily. I planted sloppy kisses to the lust-bitten skin, to soothe my ungentle treatment.

Kato’s entire body jerked against mine, and I responded by pushing him harder against the wall, rubbing my body against his, my fingers digging into the shiny material clothing his shoulders. I returned to the pouty juicy lips emitting the ridiculously-sexy whines, pillaging them again, in turns tenderly then brutally, knowing it drove Kato crazy with want. When he started crying out into my mouth, I deepened the kiss even further and pushed one of my thighs against the bulge jutting obscenely from between his legs.

Kato screamed wantonly and I could feel my desire for him erupting like a bonfire that’s just been doused with rocket fuel. I grabbed his wrists to wrap his arms around my neck - it was a struggle at first because Kato’s fingers were gripping my arms so tightly I couldn’t pry them loose. I then lifted him up higher against the wall and wrapped his legs around my waist, bringing both our hardness in direct contact with one another for the longed-for friction.

I swallowed his moans with another kiss, finishing with a playful nipping of his lips, before pulling back. Kato’s lips were swollen red, his cheeks pink like cotton candy, coral ears marred with bite marks, eyes glittered black with lust. The sight of him would make any man want to engage in the most immoral acts.

“I’m gonna fuck you, Kato,” I told him matter-of-factly.

“For how long?”

“How long do you want me to?”

“A week. I want you to fuck me for a whole week, nonstop.” He rasped naughtily, his arms tightening around my neck, pulling our bodies impossibly closer.

“You sure that’s enough?”

“Actually, I would prefer 10 whole days of fucking.”

I can’t help the maniacal glint slinking into my eyes - ‘dirty-talking Kato’ is one of my absolute favourite Kato’s (aside from ‘balls deep in shit-kicking dudes Kato’ and ‘screaming his head off at the screen while playing Metroid Kato’ - but I ain’t gonna tell you my favourite one; that’s for me to know, for you to gossip and fangirl about, and for Kato to never find out okay maybe not never but not for a while). “Oh, is that all? I thought you were going to ask for longer.”

“I was going to say 11 days, but I don’t think you have the stamina.”

“Why you cheeky- How dare you question my world-famous endurance! I’ll show you. I’ll slam you so hard against the headboard we’d Hulk!smash the wall and end up on the patio!” I grabbed his ass and gave the cheeks a quick squeeze before pushing us both away from the wall.

“Where are we going?”

“Bedroom. Bed.”

“No, it’s too far.”

“It’s right there, Kato.”

Kato pulled himself up to whisper into my ear in what seemed to be the lewdest tone he could. “I can’t wait. Sofa’s closer.”

That proclamation went straight to my dick; with a growl, I turned around towards the (thankfully oversized) sofa and dumped the bundle of blue silk and pale skin on it with little ceremony, which was still much more than what I could manage just then. Letting myself fall atop him and grinning as Kato let out a sharp breath from the landing, I plundered his mouth once more, my hands roaming over his wriggling body. Then I transferred my lips to his jaw and his neck, fully intending to move this conversation to his shoulders, chest, stomach and further south, when I was met with an unexpected obstacle: a high collar of shimmery blue silk.

“Buttons,” Kato gasped breathlessly while pointing at a series of flower-shaped fabric clasps arranged in a curve starting from the centre of his neck and ending at his right armpit.

Purposefully not stifling a dramatic sigh at being denied unhindered access, I popped open the first of the closures - or tried to anyway. They were flimsy-looking, all intricate loops and a dainty strip of silk for buttonholes, but let me tell you they were probably made of steel alloys and Michele Bachmann’s ill will. I continued to grapple with the tiny menace; the knobby part refused to cooperate and go through the holes no matter how I pushed and pulled and pledged my firstborn, all but outright sing-songing a taunting “nah-nah-nah-nah-nah” at me. Kato smiled sweetly at first, then chuckled cheerily, not offering or being of any help whatsoever. Trying to force the fastenings open was a catastrophic failure.

Damn it, I want to molest Kato’s nipples **this instant** and I shan’t be thwarted by these ridiculous buttons! 

Beseeching Buddha, Zeus, and Allah didn’t yield any positive result. I tried Ahura Mazda, still no dice. Didn’t look like I have any other choice, then, so I took hold of each silk paneling and pulled in opposite directions, ripping the garment apart, sending the buttons flying haphazardly to my utter satisfaction, which grew sevenfold when Kato’s creamy chest and rose-pink nipples were revealed to my roving eyes and fingers.

“Hey!”

“‘Hey’ nothing. S’your fault for not coming up with an instruction manual, or even better, remote controls, to undo them.” I silenced any further protest by taking one nipple into my mouth while rubbing the other between my thumb and forefinger. Well, it wasn’t silenced so much as forcefully converted into needful gasps and violent writhings.

I teased his nipples into hardened peaks, his legs parted to hug the sides of my waist. I took the opportunity to push down against him; in response Kato grabbed my shoulders in an iron grip. I did it a second time, and moved to suck a lovebite into his flesh when Kato threw his head back, giving me unhindered access to his neck.

“Oh, Britt, don't stop!”

“Not planning to, man.” I ran a hand down his long throat as it bottomed into his lightly-muscled chest and further into a plateau of ribs. Biting his right shoulder hard enough to bruise, I let my hands travel up and down along his thighs which he cocked up higher to assist me in my quest for more skin-on-skin action. I love ‘cooperative Kato’ as much as I love ‘dirty-talking Kato’, and so I rewarded him by licking the spot just above his left nipple, right over his heart, knowing from experience that would drive him wild.

“Britt, please!”

Smiling at all the power I have over my squirming Executive Associate, I dropped my mouth back to the hardened nipple, Rose Quartz from my earlier mouthwork, and sucked. Riding the arch of Kato’s back, I grinned gleefully, biting into the nipple until it was tinged carbuncle. I savoured Kato’s multilingual curses, easing my teeth off of his skin only to bite harder once he thought I was letting up. I did this a few more times, until Kato’s breath grew erratic and his fingers very nearly tore through my woolen shirt. There’s going to be deep crescent marks on my arms - thankfully I now work in an office so no eyebrow would be raised seeing me wear long-sleeved shirts for a while.

After Kato began thrashing around strongly enough to cause a minor earthquake, I decided to give him a break for, oh, a couple seconds, before I directed my tongue lightly over the fine ridges of his ribs. Not probing, just stroking. Then lower, to circle and dip into his navel (I had to rip apart more of the silk dress to get there - not a word of protest from Kato this time around) and then licked a long, luxurious stripe straight upwards over his flat belly, his heaving chest, his glistening neck, ending with a nip to his lovely chin. When our lips and tongues met again, I tangled my fingers in his slicked-back hair, pressing our mouths closer together.

Moving on to the next stage of the invasion, I slid a hand down his body towards his thigh, yanked aside the skirt’s front panel trapped between our torsos, and palmed his clothed cock. It was a fine specimen - majestic, just like the rest of him. I could feel the foreskin sliding back, the organ moist and warm in my grasp. Running my thumb over the tip produced a moan so impressive that I felt like I'd won the lottery, so I did it again, and again, all the while gradually tightening my grip. The turgid flesh grew impossibly harder under my ministrations. 

“Britt!”

“I ever told you I love it when you make those sounds? Cos I do, man. You can’t be all cocky and intimidating when you mewl like that.”

“All this time I thought you liked me all cocky and intimidating,” Kato gasped, somehow not jumbling his words as he is wont to do when caught knee-deep in the throes of passion.

“While I do admit that, on you, those make one winning personality, tonight I’m going for something different. Tonight I’d like to be totally in awe of your body instead of your mind, and that’s difficult when you sound magnanimous and talk all educated.”

“So, just incoherent noises and whispers of mellifluous nothings?”

“That is correct.” I pushed his legs apart, kinda missing the feel of them digging into my hips, but consoling myself with the knowledge of better things to come. Freed from such lovely porcelain restraints, I slithered down Kato’s body, not neglecting to mouth and kiss every inch of skin my lips could reach. Stopping when I reached the bulge still hidden under scrunched-up skirt paneling, I pushed the badly-creased silk up and out of the way, and nearly squealed in delight.

Oh, god. Oh god, you guys! The cloth covering Kato’s royal scepter? It was blue panties.

Holy Mary Mother of God, thank you Yahweh for giving me the best boyfriend ever!

“Are you crying?”

“I’m not crying, dude.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Yeah, okay, it’s just that I’m seeing blue panties here and, like, I can’t- I just- I don’t know what to do with myself alright?” I was so happy; I was hyperventilating so hard a mini tornado’s probably brewing in my courtyard.

“It’s what Chun-Li wore, so I thought you might like them. And you can do things with me instead of with yourself.”

Okay, that is so smart that now **I** look un-smart for not coming up with it. “Kato, you’re the best. You’re like, so awesome, man, seriously, oh my god.”

“Don’t cry.”

“Okay.” I probably sniffled a little, had to wipe off my nose and shit. And now to get back to what I was about to do. I bent my head down to mouth at Kato’s tumescent shaft over the blue cotton and lace blend (seriously, best boyfriend ever). After spending some time lavishing the quivering member with kisses and licks - the panties turning cerulean from cum and saliva - I tugged it off of Kato, slowly sliding the flimsy material down his marble-white legs, enjoying the sight of the contrasting colours, before returning to my objective.

Kato’s dick, in all its engorged, gleaming, glorious glory. Stained a deep bruised peach and leaking pre-cum all over my 3,000 threadcount Egyptian cotton cushion covers. It was magnificent and I couldn’t wait for a taste.

So I went at it, attacking like I was Tom and Jerry was hiding behind Kato’s balls. He jerked away, as anticipated; I grabbed his hips tightly to prevent any escape, his thighs I placed over my shoulders, trapping his legs in the process. Grazing my teeth against the throbbing organ, I kissed first the tip, then the underside moving all the way down to the base, and returning home via the topside, paying special attention to the large vein running along the glans and making Kato yell an order of camel’s hump and two eggrolls in the process.

After licking the crown meticulously for several minutes - ensuring to make Kato feel like it lasted several hours - I took the tip into my mouth and sucked at it shallowly, tonguing the pee slit and the glans, before inching down the rest of the shaft, doing so as slowly and sadistically so as to qualify under Article 1 (1) of the United Nations Convention against Torture. Kato’s whine increased in volume correspondingly, and by the time I reached the root (he shaved, by the way - seriously, **best boyfriend ever** ) I had him halfway outta his mind. Kato laid quivering and fisting the armrest above his head. I could feel him trembling under my tongue, just how I wanted him.

He’s so sexy, all vulnerable and at my mercy like this.

Kato bucked his hips once, twice, three times before I deign it proper to move my still mouth up and down his manhood, pausing every so often to pull back his foreskin so I could lick more of the skin underneath. Taoist fortune tellers and online horoscopes had to be consulted before it was concluded that I should suck him off in earnest, alternating slow, deep swallows with quick, forceful slurps. Four score and seven years later, I dragged my fingernails teasingly against the skin of his thighs as I engulfed him fully with my mouth, willing my throat to relax to accommodate his length, burying my nose at the base of his cock, hollowing my cheeks to swallow him hard.

Kato thrashed, squirmed, yelled something that sounded like it could be Sanskrit or Zentraedi battlecry. Then came in my mouth, his cock jerking a few more times on my tongue before settling down. I could feel tremors passing through his legs over my shoulders, taste his spunk that wasn’t unlike ramen broth, hear him mutter “Britt!” and “Please…” and “Wo de tien ah!” which meant he plan to erect a shrine to me in Kyoto.

Allowing Kato’s now flaccid member to drop free from my mouth, I let him feel my smile against his skin, branding his still-warm flesh.

Of course, we both knew this was far from over.

Releasing my hold of his hips and letting his legs fall aside, I slowly got up and stretched like a satisfied cat. I kissed Kato’s forehead lovingly before I gathered his limp body in my arms and carried him to the bedroom; the change of location was not because I’d like to torture my housekeeper by making her clean multiple cum-stained furniture - I’m really not an evil boss, in fact I’m the best boss ever - but because all the stuff I need to continue tonight’s agenda are in the bedside table’s drawers.

I placed Kato gently on the bed, taking care to ensure that his head was cradled on one of the many soft pillows strewn about. He pulled me in for a slow, soul-crushing kiss that drove both of us breathless, interspersed with tempting touches and teasing fingers till I couldn’t deny the loving feeling that I have for him, this longing for his kisses that I can’t ever stop having.

“I’ll be everything you need, Kato. Your dream, your wish, your fantasy, your hope, your love… When you came into my life you brought a new beginning, a deeper meaning, a reason for living.” I punctuated every sentiment with a kiss, and Kato responded in kind to every single one so I went rambling on, to say the one thing I’ve always said to him which he hasn’t reciprocated. Maybe this time… “I love you more with every breath. I’m truly, madly, deeply in love with you.”

Kato just deepened the kiss. That’s okay. I’ll let it go for now, hoping that one day he’ll say it back to me, because I think he’s worth the wait.

More kisses, and nips, and nibbles and lovebites. Tongues and teeth and lips meeting and clashing and tangoing into the night. Tangled fingers and tangled hearts. I stroke down over his prone body, pausing every now and then over the porcelain skin tainted a rousing shade of pink. Kato moved pliantly when I nudged his legs apart wider and higher, his hole begging to be ravaged. I couldn’t help staring; the puckered ring of muscles looked like ripe strawberries, so juicy sweet. Before Kato could ask what I thought I was doing, I bent down and stretched out the cheeks of his shapely ass. Kato choked down a gasp, and that more than anything gave me the push to sink my head down to the thoroughly inviting cleft, my tongue darting out and tasting him.

It was maddening. The warm flesh. The taut, unyielding entrance. I spread him wider even as he twists in my tight grasp. “Britt!” hissed Kato, a belatedly-stifled moan forced itself pass his lips as I bit him.

I pushed my tongue non-too-gently against the resisting muscles until I finally breached him. Kato tasted wonderful: a unique mix of copper wires and leather motorcycle jackets and Pabst Blue Ribbon (which, try as I might, I could not get him to abandon in favour of a proper beer). I licked deeper, as Kato emitted more of the delicious choked noises that turn me on so much. At one point he twisted away, trying to escape the onslaught of tongue and lips and teeth.

I didn’t let him. Now, this? This I won’t let him get away from.

I held him tight as I continued to tongue him inside and out. By the time I lifted my face from between his legs, Kato was hard again, and he was dripping eagerly, overheated, shivery, gasping with each of my touch.

“The fuck you stopped for!”

“Heh. Someone has his panties in a twist, I see. Sorry about that.”

“Don't, for one minute, think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties!”

“They looked really nice on you. I want you to wear one all the time, now.”

“Last fortnight you said you wanted me to not wear underwear ever again. You said ‘Kato you should go commando for the rest of our lives because it’d make me so happy’.”

“And, what? You did?”

“Of course!”

Damn, wish I knew that! “Yeah, forget I said that. I’m so wishy-washy, so **irresolute**. But I think panties are sexier.”

“I’m not going to go out and buy girls’ underwear.”

“You could special order them.”

“They would still be under my name.”

“Pretty please? For moi?”

“Oh, fine. I’ll order using **your** name.” Aaand a pout. A **pout** , Steve Jobs in heaven Kato’s so adorable!

“Wait, so where did you get the pair you were wearing?”

“Just kiss me, you asshole.”

“I think you mean “just kiss my asshole, you asshole”.” I gave a quick peck to his knee and dove back to the task at hand before Kato could decide he’d rather decapitate me with the house-slippers; an answering groan from up North confirmed that he had abandoned the notion.

Setting my tongue on ‘turbo’ and going to town on Kato’s pinking hole, I kept at it at a vigorous pace - pushing in and licking out and stroking everywhere to stretch him up good. By the time I resurfaced, his entrance was a red, utterly violated mess.

Reaching for the strips of condoms in the nightstand I took my sweet time enjoying the obscene sight my partner made: eyes blown wide and seeing nothing, blunt nails clawing the satin sheets, legs spread apart with the heels digging into our mattress. Kato was a wreck.

“Slide this on me.”

“I can’t-” He cried as I licked a finger and circled it around his entrance.

“Yes, you can.”

“Please, Britt!” That, coupled with some garbled Chinese and him pushing up against me, and my finger slid inside. Good God, it’s so hot and so tight. I moved my hand back and forth, in my effort to loosen Kato up, all the while trying to stay slow and gentle despite the way his hips kept pushing back. Kato was making little howling noises and every one of them shot straight to my soul. I pushed in a second finger which he greedily accepted. Then a third finger. And finally a fourth. Kato was thrashing about, moaning, whimpering.

Sweet Jesus, I want to fuck him so badly.

“Come on, slide this onto me.”

Kato let go of the deathgrip he had on the bedding and reached for the foil packet I dangled over him. Ripping apart the packaging with his teeth - Reowr! - he reached for my neglected cock with trembling fingers. “Easy, love. You’re okay. You’ve got it.” I murmured encouragements in his ear as I felt his fingers wrap around my dick, slowly easing the rubbers onto me. When his grip reached the base of my penis, I kissed his ears, cheeks, eyes and lips. “That’s my man.”

Kato lifted his legs, resting the backs of his knees over my shoulders and pushed against me. “Now, Britt. Fuck me now.”

Oh whenever Kato uses his initiative and asks so sweetly like that…

After making quick work with liberal smears of the mint-scented lube Kato wouldn’t admit out loud he was so into, I sank into him, inching slowly so as to not hurt him, until he fully engulfed me. I braced my forearms on each side of his head; Kato’s fingers laced amongst mine. He was breathing erratically, and I stole a kiss from those plum lips even as I buried myself in him impossibly deeper.

After 12 lifetimes had passed, Kato’s breathing calmed, indicating to me in so many words that he was ready for more. Still, this time around I plan to take it slow, to let our passion burn softly like candlelight, to punish Kato for making me spend a whole week thinking I would never get to feel his skin against mine ever again (regardless that it wasn’t his intention). Slowly, I pulled myself out fully, before using a snail’s pace to push back into him. And again, and again, until he was gasping with anticipation.

“Yeah, just like that…” I murmured hotly against his ear, and he keened when I scraped my teeth over the flushed shell. Another curse escaped him as I hitched his legs higher all the while continuing to roll my hips slowly, completely ignoring his pleas of “please, Britt, fucking move already you promised me Hulk damn you!”.

I adore ‘dirty-talking Kato’ but ‘dirty-talking and cursing Kato’ is just super hot. Usually I could stand to deny him for a while longer until he starts yelling oaths in Bruce Lee, but maybe tonight I’d show him some mercy?

Nah.

“Fuck you, Britt are you actually going slower- Oh!" Kato managed to bite out when I slammed into him twice in quick succession, then reverted to the leisurely pace we were in.

“Please, Britt. Please.”

“Please what, Kato?” Didja know that I could totally pretend to be clueless & innocent? Oiy, did some of you nod vigorously at the ‘clueless’ part? Was that you over there, yelling that I needn’t pretend?!

“Please move.”

“I **am** moving.”

“Faster.”

“You want me to move faster?”

“And harder. Please.”

“You sure? I don’t wanna hurt you or nothin’.”

“Britt, **come on** -”

“You’re so eloquent, so demanding, so easily ruffled.”

“Britt Elijah Reid if you don’t fuck me faster and harder **this instant** -”

Uh oh, two weeks into our relationship (not the platonic portion, the non-platonic one) I learned that when the Chinese start using all three of your names you were about to get into trouble deeper than the Mariana Trench. “Okay, okay. Keep your panties on, jeez.”

I took the time to build up my pace, not granting Kato’s wish immediately but not outright refusing him either, because if there’s one thing I love more about this relationship than the awesome sex it’s that I got to play with him and drive him nuts like this and there ain’t nothing’ he can do ‘bout it. Okay, yeah, sure, there **are** things he can do about it but he’s not gonna because **then** who’s he gonna get to slam into his prostate- “Oh, God!” like that?

“Usually I go by ‘Britt’, or ‘Mr. Reid’, or, to a select few, the ‘Green Hornet’. But I guess ‘God’ is okay, too. Only occasionally, mind you; don’t wanna piss off the real deal.”

“Shut up, just- ah!”

“Just this, you mean? How about this, or this? And this? D’you like this?”

“Britt-”

“Got an idea, why don’t you call me ‘Mr. Reid’ tonight? I’m thinking it feels, I don’t know, scandalous. Forbidden.”

“ **Mr. Reid** , would you please just shut up and finish fucking me into the mattress?”

See, what’d I tell you. Best. Boyfriend. Ever. Thinking I’ve doled out enough (cruel and unusual) punishment this evening, I’d award Kato clemency and grant him relief. I released his fingers and grabbed a hold of the headboard, my movements causing Kato to get bent nearly double, and began to slam into him savagely.

Once, twice, three times before Kato abandoned the pillows his fingers were clenching and clutched my shoulders, tugging my shirt off and running his palms all over my back, stomach, chest. When he pinched my nipple I bucked into him so hard his head smashed against the headboard. He scraped his fingernails across my back in response, and the mix of pleasure and pain pushed me to drive into him at an even more violent rhythm.

The bed rocked like a sailboat caught in a stormy sea. One of Kato’s hands knocked over the tiffany table-lamp - I don’t plan on replacing it, it was just one more thing in this house I don’t use and one less thing Kato could brain me with the next time I say something stupid. I leant in for a kiss, pushing Kato into an impossible pretzel, fisted his hardened dick with one free hand, and fucked him deeper than I ever fucked him before.

Kato yelped and came a second time, pulsing around my dick, coating my hand with thick, wet, heat, and trembling all over. I followed suit, biting into his shoulder to half-stifle my screams.

I gave ~~him~~ us a minute to catch ~~his~~ our breath and then eased myself out of his abused hole. Kato collapsed bonelessly back onto the bed, and I maneuvered our bodies so he was draped on top of me with his head resting on my chest, sighing happily once we were arranged in a comfortable position. I fondled the messed-up black hair, the purpling skin of his shoulder, the hot, sweaty flush of his body. It all felt utterly perfect and irresistible.

Couldn't believe how amazingly today turned out, considering how it started. “Thanks, Kato.”

“For what?”

“For giving me the ride of my life. For letting me screw you so hard my dick’s gonna need a chiropractor”

“There's no need to be gross.”

“Gross?! This from the guy whose rectum I just tongue-bathed? The guy who just begged me to fuck him for 11 days?!”

Kato looked up at me then, blushing prettily. “Well, I...”

“Just kiss me, you asshole.”

\-----

I woke up to a big empty bed. The house was still huge; quiet but not empty. The world remained stupidly vast, and it thrummed with mischief, mayhem and soap. Set on a low volume, melodious ballads were playing on loop. Not Adele; Jay Chou - Kato had chosen his songs as the soundtrack to our very interesting, full-of-ass-kickings-and-explosions lives.

My eyes found him lounging on the daybed by the screendoor leading to the pool, the fairy lights from the garden reflected in his eyes, the slicked back locks are now disheveled to hell and back thanks to my enthusiastic ministrations earlier. He’d changed into sweats and one of my old t-shirts while I was out; the ruined silk was unceremoniously crumpled in my wastebasket and I made a mental note to rescue it later.

Even in such a plain getup he looked so pleasing.

It’s no chore, to stare appreciatively at Kato. Kato who seemed larger than life, half-sitting half-lying there, the rippling surface of the pool a poetic contrast to his still form. He's so… intellectual, so anal, so cocksure. It’s endearing to see him fuss in the mirror whenever he’d see one: the way his hands would fastidiously smoothen his hair until it’d fall into a style he deemed acceptable, the way his fingers would straighten his clothes… It’s so marvelous how fingers that move so deftly over a suit’s lapel can break bones with a light jab.

That thought got me so hard I could whip an ox blind with my erection.

“I don’t think Ming-Na Wen knew Kung Fu.”

Ok, I **was** startled but don’t believe anybody who told you I yelped like a little girl. Also, please tell me I didn’t say that out loud pleasepleaseplease I’m not ready yet for him to know every single one of my kinks. “Are you kidding me with this, dude? She was both Chun-Li **and** Mulan. She totally knew Kung Fu.”

“You and her together would clash. She in red and you in green - you would look like Christmas ornaments.”

“That’s true. That’s why I’m fucking you instead of her.”

That earned me a dirty look. “Is **that** why?”

Might be riding a tad close to the Danger Zone here, buddy. “Nah, you know I’m just playin’.”

“Are you?”

I didn’t care to continue this conversation with me lying here and him way over there, so I got up and sat on the floor by his feet, not belatedly figuring out that there’d be a favourable outcome if I were to give them a relaxing rub. “If I’m lying to you, then dishonour. Dishonour on me, dishonor on my cow, dishonor on my whole family!”

“You don’t own cows.”

“I can buy a cow.”

“You have no family.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve got you.”

One beat. Two beats. Three beats passed when Kato’s finger reached to brush lightly across my bottom lip. “Yes, you do.”

Hitting marks, I am **so smooth**. Excellent. “Kato, you’re the best. By the way, **that** is why I’m fucking you. Because you’re like, so awesome, man, seriously, oh my god. I totally appreciate you and all that you do.”

“I know.” 

Lovable prick. **My** lovable prick. “I love you.”

“I have a present for you.” Kato took away his caressing finger, the feet I was having so much fun rubbing, and his entire marvelous person up and away from me. I let out an impressive whine in protest; he responded with a deep, wet kiss and a ruffling of my already rumpled hair. “Now be a good boy and wait right here.” He sauntered unhurriedly towards the garage. “Feel free to ogle my ass as it’s walking away from you,” he added cockily.

My man, he knew how to manage me so well.

What felt like four score and seven years later, Kato returned with a medium-sized box cradled in his hands, which he handed to me. “Can I open it?”

“You can just stare at it, if you like, but you should know I have not finished making the x-ray vision goggles yet.”

“You’re seriously making- wait, you’re just jerking me around like when you said you’d make me a lightsaber, aren’t you.”

“Just open the box, you Otaku manchild!”

“Okay, okay. Keep your star-pants on, jeez.” Unlike the box containing the Hornet Gun Mark I, this didn’t come with any card. I ripped the top open to reveal a bunch of crumpled up newspaper and packing peanuts. Buried underneath them was a metal case. “Okay, is this another one of your gas-launching devices? Will I be put in a coma for 22 days, this time? Should I put Lenore on alert?”

“Maybe. Anyway I already e-mailed her earlier that you’re taking the rest of the week off.”

“You did?”

Kato gave another one of his nonchalant shrugs - that shit should probably be trademarked. “When you said last week that you wanted to ‘have a quiet night in’, I figured it might be extended till the end of the week.”

My man, he knew how to manage me so well. “Pervert,” I muttered affectionately as I scooped out the metal case, spilling the packing peanuts messily. I undid the flap and let the lid fall back, and was greeted with the **second** most wondrous sight in all of the cosmos.

Nestled amongst more packing peanuts, was the stuff my childhood dreams were made of.

BatSkates.

Black and sleek, with leather laces and the coolest looking metallic blades that looked as sharp as the Sword of Heroes which would cut you just by looking at- Ow. What was most likely four score and seven years later, I managed to tear my eyes away from the one object not even Leland Gaunt would have in his store, “You made the BatSkates?”

“HornetSkates,” Kato corrected.

“Yeah yeah, but you made it?”

“You asked for one. You said you’d like a pair.”

“Yeah, I did, but I thought you said it’s stupid.”

“I should not have said that, I’m sorry.” Two apologies in one night? My God, did the Sun rose in the wrong horizon this morning and it was just me who didn’t notice, so caught up was I in Kato Abandonment Issues? “Anyway, it’s your birthday. I thought you might enjoy it for your gift.”

“I do. I’m just- oh, Kato this is so awesome!” Awe and gratitude waged a bloody war to feature prominently in my voice.

“They are not just ice-skates. I combined them with the Rocket Boots from Batman Beyond.”

”You’re a genius.”

Kato’s Nonchalant Shrug™. “You’d ask for them anyway. This way, I don’t have to make you another pair.”

“You’re a genius **and** you’re a master of time management. I’m gonna go give these a spin!” I gave Kato a quick peck on the cheek before getting up from the floor, my prize clutched securely in my hands, when it suddenly dawned on me “Wait a second, if these are my birthday gift, then what was up with the whole kimono business?”

“Qipao.”

“Chun-Li, yeah yeah. Well?”

“I already said, because you asked me to.”

“Really? Like, seriously?”

“Yes,” he declared incredulously, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

It… **was**. HornetSkates. Qipao. I did ask for them. “I asked you, and you’d do it?”

“You ask nicely. And don’t ask me to break laws of physics.” Kato ticked off as he stated each one, like he was laying down ground rules. “I do it.”

Ask him. Don’t order him. Don’t tell him, or make him, or manipulate him. Ask him. Ask nicely. I can do that. I should. “Of course. Okay, deal.”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Kato. Seriously, I love you so much. You’re too good to me, man.” I put the skates down on the floor in favour of clutching Kato, my real prize, in a secure embrace. “You’re too good **for** me, and I haven’t done a thing to deserve you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“No? How come?”

“’No’ is correct,” Kato buried his face in my shoulder, nuzzling my neck lazily like a contented cat lying under a late noon sky, and continued with something that shut me up for the rest of the night. 

“Because I love you, too.”

\-----

Pssst! You know how I said earlier that I’m not telling you which was my favourite Kato? Sorry to anyone who started guessing, but just so you know, as of now, that version has been downgraded to my **second** favourite.

\-----

FINIS 

**Author's Note:**

> Qipao is pronounced approximately ‘chee-pow’. It’s a Chinese dress imported over from Manchuria that became popular among girls during the early 20th century. I finally watched the movie last Christmas, and somehow ended up imagining Kato wearing a qipao, but the ‘traditional’ style, not the Chun-Li style which was modified to allow a far wider range of movement. The ‘traditional’ style is slightly longer, and the slit isn’t as high, but it is also more form-fitting and a million kinds of sexy. I had a very long argument with Britt as to which one Kato’d wear in this story; I lost the debate when Britt shot me with “I’m the one fucking him, you write what turns **me** on.”
> 
> I acknowledge that I put way too much thought into this.


End file.
